And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
