Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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