I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
