he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
