Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
