i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
