everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i would one night stand the shit outta him
where are you?
Hypothermia
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
