I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
