Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
