She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
