Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
