I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
