and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
