Don't you send me to vm
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
