I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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