four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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