tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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