dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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