I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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