I can text with my tongue
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
