I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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