I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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