You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
