i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
