It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
