There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
either way he was missing a nipple.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
