i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
