how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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