We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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