It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
