I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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