I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
