he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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