I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
