dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
