Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
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shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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