it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
