Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
