i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
