Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
