I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
