I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Your cock deserves a montage
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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