remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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