All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
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me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
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This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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