this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
false alarm, still single
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
