Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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