I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
