When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
