Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
