even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
