At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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