I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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