yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
