Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Found your dick twin last night
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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