I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
