Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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