I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
