he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
