Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
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