I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
