I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
