oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
