Only a mothe r could love this liver
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
