I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
only if we run a train.
done.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
