She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
