I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
