please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
