I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
